


The Windows to John Sheppard's Soul

by squidgie



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: DADT, M/M, POV Outsider, Past John Sheppard/Evan Lorne - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 06:47:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20354140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul.  As Evan Lorne found out, whatever the situation around them weighed, he could tell how John Sheppard felt about it just by glancing at his eyes.





	The Windows to John Sheppard's Soul

**Author's Note:**

> For the comment_fic prompt: Stargate Atlantis/Any, Evan Lorne/Any, "Picture"  
Almost a stream of consciousness on my part. Not betaed!

A gentle smile played across Evan's face as he considered just how funny it was, the kinds of things that went through your mind when you were aging through what felt like an endless meeting. He sat in a far too bright, chilly room listening to the department heads of Atlantis give their monthly status reports and tried not to yawn as his thoughts trailed back to the first time his mother taught him about the stroke of a paintbrush across a blank canvas. A light flickered nearby drawing Evan's attention back to the moment. He sat up a little straighter, though his memories were still tinted in the vibrant pastels of his favorite painter as he casually looked across to his commanding officer. When as his gaze landed on John's expressive eyes, he realized that no, he would never be able to paint them even as his grip tightened around his pencil and his wrist automatically haunted out a stroke. 

No, it wasn't because John's eyes weren't beautiful, because they were. And no, it wasn't because Evan lacked talent. But it was because John Sheppard's eyes were as close a barometer to John's soul as any object could be.

Evan had first met John soon after he marched off the Daedalus to help during a battle on what might be a one-way ticket to the Pegasus galaxy - not because they couldn't return to Earth on the Daedalus. Rather, because chances were that he might come back from Pegasus in a wooden box. After reporting to John as his new second in command, Evan clinically documented the different details of his superior; lanky and easy-going, yet with an air of authority. Dark hair that couldn't have been regulation, but in Pegasus, closely cropped hair was far from the top of people's priorities when their day job was literally to survive amidst a strange galaxy full of alien vampires and subversive Nazi-like cults. John was wholly dedicated to every person under him, fiercer than anyone Evan had ever known before. And he had hazel eyes that seemed to watch over everything.

But that first encounter was the clinical John Sheppard that Evan had met. It wasn't until after the battle had been won that Evan started to know the _real_ John Sheppard. Sure, Sheppard kept himself guarded. But with eyes as expressive as John had, people that knew him could see through the cold, dismissive exterior and see the real person.

Once nerves had calmed and the barrels of rifles cooled, John and Evan tasked themselves with not just managing the survivors but listing the dead. "Sorry, sir," Evan had said as he passed a communication from Colonel Steven Caldwell to John that asked how many coffins would be needed 'this time,' and how many should the left for future use. John barely blanched, but Evan saw that his eyes had gone gray. The color reminded him of a storm cloud about to loose rain and hail amid acres of destruction. He thought it might be just a one-time thing because it was frankly so haunting, it made him ache. But after two corpses - a scientist and a new Marine, not on Atlantis long enough to unpack her bags - were brought back after a surprise attack, the colorless eyes once again haunted Evan even after he'd left the room.

While John's gray eyes were something Evan wished he'd never seen again, it was the appearance of ignorant people that Evan found John's eyes going nearly dark as coal. Sure, there were amazing people at the SGC, like General O'Neill or Colonel Carter. But for every Carter and O'Neill, there were a dozen busybodies that came sniffing around Atlantis for everything from trying to enforce DADT amongst American Military to asking why Sheppard needed "So damned much ammunition." Those meetings were almost painful to be at because Evan could see just how deep John's anger seethed below the surface by glancing at his eyes. More often than not, when John's eyes reached nearly the unreachable depths of darkness, Evan managed to end the meeting one way or another. And after hours or not, Evan did what he could to drag John away from the idiots who landed on Atlantis as often as a rainstorm and ply him to calmness with beer. Though sometimes he knew the visits were so bad that he traded for a fifth of whatever spirits Radek had distilled that week to help get them through.

The only downside to trading for Radek's stash was that it once introduced Evan to when John's eyes would turn nearly blue. Just the thought of it brought a lump nearly impossible to swallow, so Evan cleared his throat. And as Radek and another engineer talked about power conduit replacements, Evan let his mind wander back to _that day_. The day that he'd taken John to a lower part of Atlantis, levels and levels away from another soul. As the bottle emptied, Evan swapped "Sheppard" for "John", as John did the same for him. Little by little, the bricks of confession were taken down one-by-one, though each was careful to make sure real secrets never spilled. And as walls came down between them, John looked around nervously and took the chance that both of them had wanted, but Evan couldn't seem to muster. He leaned closer and pressed his mouth to Evan's, eyes closed and breath coming fast. Their coupling had been quick, with Evan getting John to his feet as shaking fingers unbuttoned John's BDUs. Evan couldn't help but gasp as green eyes looked down at him as he took the head of John's cock into his mouth. And minutes later, as John rocked back and forth through his orgasm, the nearly silent, "Rodney," that John had whispered as he came still hung heavy in the air.

When John opened his eyes, and Evan was able to chance a look, they were nearly icy blue. The color had drained from his face as John tucked himself back in his BDUs, and soon the taste on Evan's tongue was the only reminder of their encounter. It took a few awkward seconds for John to come back to himself. And when he did, all he could manage was a quiet, "Sorry."

Evan had gotten up from his knees, a plastic smile plastered on his face. "'s okay, Shep," he said, even though part of him still stung. "To be honest, I was thinking about someone else, too."

That last part wasn't a lie. Evan had been pining for David Parrish for a while, his fleeting encounter with Sheppard only fueling that fantasy. Still, it made his heart ache to be with someone who so clearly wanted someone else. As he'd learned growing up in the compound outside of San Francisco, the saying "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" wasn't just a song lyric. But John Sheppard was always wound so tight, that the fact that they'd hooked up at all surprised him.

When it came to the person John Sheppard cared most about, that was most certainly Rodney McKay. And Rodney, as it happened, was primarily the reason for the two other colors that John sported from time to time. 

First off all was gold. As Evan considered it, gold might be his absolute favorite eye color of John Sheppard. Why? Because it usually meant John was in his element; doing what he loved to do as Atlantis herself connected on a cellular level with her favorite son. Rodney was often right there at his side, yelling at him in a way only Rodney could and get away with it. Mostly. Sure, there were times when John had to take the command chair in defense of Atlantis, but those times John's darker, 'command mode' colored eyes were still ringed with gold. But walking in to find John in McKay's favorite lab playing lightswitch with some newly uncovered Ancient technology? The gold tint of John's eyes made him look a decade younger, not that he needed it. 

It was good to see John allowing himself to be happy. 

But most of the time, though, John's eyes were a playful green. Not just the regular hazel color that most people saw, but a green that sparked whenever it caught the light. And they were beautiful.

A few weeks after his and John's awkward encounter, Evan finally found enough courage to ask David Parrish out on a date. Little else occupied his time, though he still made sure to look after Sheppard when the need arose. So soon after yet another audit at the hands of SGC officials that had the personality of spoiled fruit, Evan traded for another bottle of hooch. "Rum this time," he muttered after a swig, so he knew that with sweeter alcohol he had to be more careful of hangovers. Because even as loving as David was, he wasn't above gardening _loudly_ as Evan tried to sleep it off. He'd found that out the hard way after a harvest festival. Bottle in hand, Evan showed up in Sheppard's office. He tapped it against the doorjamb and as soon as John saw it, his face flushed.

"Look, Lorne," he stumbled, his face flushed and his eyes already tinged with a light blue color. "I..."

Evan shook his head in response. "Not that, Shep. Just..." He bobbed his head, "Walk with me, okay?" and then led him through the deserted corridor, down a few levels, and to a quiet area well burrowed into the city.

Sheppard was cautious at first, but Evan assured him he only wanted to talk. After settling in and sharing a couple of shots, Sheppard seemed rigid when Evan stumbled through the words, telling him that he deserved to be happy. The look from Sheppard's darkening eyes told Evan everything he needed to know - like Evan didn't mean it. And then John flinched when Evan reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, though Evan resisted pulling away. Instead, he squeezed Sheppard's shoulder and said, "C'mon, John." When Sheppard finally dared a look at him, Evan didn't quite know what to say, other than, "You know he feels the same way, right?"

John smiled at Evan's words, his eyes bright. But not as bright as they were right now as he and Rodney parried back and forth about their next away mission as a few people milled around, the rest of them leaving the room. Evan knew he had been dismissed, and only got up when he remembered David was waiting in his quarters.

"Meet you in the Mess? 1800 hours?" Rodney said to John. 

"Yeah," John replied as he gathered his datapad. "See ya, Rodney." 

Evan couldn't help but smile. Though most people, including John, called the Chief Science Officer by his last name, John threw around 'Rodney' like Evan called David 'Boo.' It had the same connotation behind it, too. At least that's what it felt like to him.

"See ya, Lorne," John said as he gazed after Rodney's retreating form, a playful green glint hidden momentarily behind a wink.

Green. Yeah, green was unquestionably Evan's favorite color.

**Author's Note:**

> Artistic liberties have been taken here. Why? Because I know Joe Flanigan has hazel colored eyes, as does my own husband. And when my husband is feeling a strong emotion, he may not say anything outwardly, but his eyes give it all away. Laughter tends to lighten them to the brightest green possible, which I love. They tend to go blue when he's nervous, and more gray when he's anxious or growing frustrated. And when his eyes go black, I know that he's upset.


End file.
